I have a face that children adore - I delude myself in thinking that this is because I look like a cabbage patch kid when it’s definitely more likely those troll dolls. As a kid I bought innumerable Spice Girls dolls only to stare horrified into Ginger’s glazed eyes as her leg audibly popped off from under her union jack dress. I make the best fried eggs. I live in fear of one day enraging my computer protection program beyond control. I often attempt hiding behind the sofa when someone knocks on the front door. My spirit animal is fascinated by Honey Boo Boo Child & chicken nuggets. I will always be found making kissey-faces at any & all perky bums. As a child I used to run up & kiss the TV whenever Mr Blobby can on screen… This impulse still exists though where Mr Blobby disappeared to, fuck knows. Currently trying to overcome my fear of chickens by housing some down the garden - this is not going well… Yolanda the chicken has already died. I’ve googled the shit out of chickens & apparently they have a ‘submissive mode’… To be honest, I wasn’t expecting to have to deal with 50 Shades of Chicken (although I’m pretty sure that’s the cookbook I received with my slow cooker) but if it keeps them from going into self-destruct mode, bring it on ladies.
- no more anxiety
- clear skin
- “There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find ways in which you...”